Utata Uyandi Phota

Utata undi photha inwele- My father plaits my hair

One of my fondest memories of child-hood, is having my father plait my hair in the evenings before I went to school. He did this so I would not have to comb my hair in the morning. This memory brings me a lot of joy when I think about it; it was also a moment of experiencing utter care in my father’s hands.

I grew up in a violent area where, bearing a son meant living in fear of them being swallowed up by the violence as young children learn by seeing. Young men who grew up there tended to carry those violent behaviours as the only way of being. I also grew up hearing words like “men don’t cry”, and other similar narratives used to ‘harden’ young boys. In an environment that was already filled with violence, these words tended to justify and encourage certain violent practices by young boys. When young boys did not show the assumed level of strength one would hear remark from their own parents about them being ‘too soft’, and concerns that “you will become a weak man”.

During play time the games played by boys and girls were different. The boys were encouraged to play ‘rough’ games, and if one of the boys did not engage they would be insulted and sometimes hurt by the other boys. As young girls and women we also were also affected by the violent practices expected of boys and men. Many times young girls and women were victims of this violence, and at other times, I witnessed women taking up arms in the face of violence and hitting back. The women that raised me always had weapons with them, whether it was under their beds for protection at night, or in their hand bags; they were always armed.

In the midst of all of this there were men who did not conform to violence or embraced this way of being, but rather showed characteristics such as the care my father gave me when plaiting my hair.

This work show’s two contrasting sides of men I experienced growing up. From the rough and tough ways young boys played, to how this violent nature affected girls and women. In contrast I also investigate how young men who did not conform to violent behaviours grew up. These images play an important role in showing existing ways of being that are alternative to what is commonly projected on young boys. This work also seeks to grow an archive of images and stories of young men who in their lives were and are considered ‘soft’ because they don’t show or conform but resist violent behaviours.

Who are they? What are their stories growing up? What is their place in a world that encourages violence? .….To be continued in my research…..

Project supported by, New Imaginaries of Gender and Sexual Justice Project, funded by Andrew. W. Mellon Foundation in the Women’s and Gender Studies Department.